seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
