Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
