Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I need a burrito and a hug.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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