He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
