its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
