Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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