I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
