I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
