I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
