I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
