My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
