Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
