it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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