i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
