She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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