I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
