Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
