Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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