hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
