He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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