How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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