i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
