I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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