She said her name was "party"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
