My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
