I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
