Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
