How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm bleeding and have questions
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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