Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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