I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
