why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
