I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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