You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
