so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
