she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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