At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
