I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
