I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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