4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
