my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
