At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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