why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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