I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
