I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
