There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
