no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Everclear isn't food dammit
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
