Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
