walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
