I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
