I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
