Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
