You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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