My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
