in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
