the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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