May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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