i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
