How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
