look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
