Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
