Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
