If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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