I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
