I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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