My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
