the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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