she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
