Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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