I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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