"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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