It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
