They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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