I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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