Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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