I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
