What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
