She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
